My Flash Friday Entry #4

I participated in Flash! Friday again hosted by Rebekah Postupak!!! Last week I didn't win or get even an honorable mention, which has only made me more determined to put my best writing out there and kick some a$$. This time I didn't wait until the last minute - I swear, scrambling around trying to cut words is SO nerve wracking - and I think that helped a lot. We'll see on Monday how I did.  

If you'd like to participate, click the link above for the rules and come join us next Friday! 

Today we were required to do the following: 

• Use the below photo
• Include a death
• Word count between 140-160

Here's the photo prompt:

Typhoon Maid Thursday. CC photo by Shuji Moriwaki 

~ Last Breath After Coma ~

Ghosts of the past and memories too painful to bear haunt me as I stand on the riverbank gazing at water. A distant beeping temporarily distracted me but soon ceased. I can hear soft voices but know not to whom they belong. Still as a statue, I longingly strain to hear what they're saying. 

My mind begins to wander, and I think about how as a child my parents told me the same story every night. When I asked where it came from, they only assured me it was a story. But I knew better. 

Images of an accident in the water assail me, and instead of a river, I now see myself on a bed. My parents sit next to me but cannot hear me when I try to speak. They're telling me the story one last time as my heart aches for one last chance to say good-bye. 

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I'm asking for constructive criticism please. What can I do to make my pieces stronger and stand out from the pack? 

Would you like to participate in Flash! Fridays? 

Let me know so I can cheer you on!