Think Out Loud #17 ~ Freak Out!

~Jennifer~ | 10:21 PM | | | | | |
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School will be starting really soon, so I'm having freak out moments. I don't want my little girl to go into fifth grade! :'( Then I think about how it won't be long before my son will be in kindergarten. He's a winter baby, so it'll be two more years. He's three right now and will be four in November. Then what?
I won't be going into the work force any time soon because I'll be watching my niece still until she's in kindergarten which will be in four or five years. Ugh. By then I'll be too old to want to go to grad school so I can do something with the psych degree I have. I'm not even sure if I want to be a grief counselor anymore. I'd rather hide out at home taking care of kids than get a job in "the real world" again. Not that staying home is easy, either, but it feels safer for me sometimes. I don't have to deal with bosses breathing down my neck.
How do you feel about your kids going back to school? I hope you aren't feeling as despondent as I am. :)


  1. Wow, we are a year off with our kids. Will is going into sixth grade in September and John has one more year of preschool before he can go to Kinder. For us, fifth grade was much better than fourth. The school work is more interesting. There's a sense of accomplishment that you've grown up so much you're already in fifth grade. Weird. I am pretty much a basket case about Will going into middle school. Since kindergarten he's been in a pilot program for autism where he's mainstreamed with the help of an aid. Middle school doesn't have that. They don't have much of anything. So he's going into a hodgepodge special ed class. He's so sweet and vulnerable. Sometimes I just wish I could turn my life into a movie and go back in time as a kid so I can be my kids' friend.

    As for the working, wait to see who you are on the other side. Your degree isn't wasted. You use it daily. You use it for your writing and reviewing. Maybe you needed the grief counselor dream back then, but now you've outgrown the dream. I am returning to the workforce this fall after a decade of being a stay at home mom. I'll only be able to do half time because it's just me here with no one to fill in. I'm not sure how I'll do it or what job I'll get. My main worry is my complete lack of charm. Motherhood has sucked it all away I think. I can just see me standing over a table I'm serving and giving them the stink eye. Great tips there.

    I'm so glad to read this post, Jennifer. You're not alone and I don't feel as alone. And we'll figure it out whatever it is.

    1. I didn't know we're a year off with our kids - that's so cool! My daughter doesn't get how I feel, but when I was her age, I didn't get how my parents felt about me growing up either, lol.

      Why doesn't the middle school have any programs? Is it lack of funding? I'm positive they aren't going to throw him to the wolves. There are good people who will work with him and see how sweet he is, and they'll want to give him every opportunity to succeed.

      Would I sound lazy if I admitted I don't want to go to work ever again? If I didn't have to worry about shitty supervisors and backstabbing coworkers, then working wouldn't nearly be as bad as it is. What kind of work are you looking into? Are you nervous? You haven't lost your charm, lol. I think motherhood sucks a lot out of us, but not your charm. I see it in every post and every comment of yours.

      I'm glad I'm not alone because it's easy to feel like it. It isn't that I want anyone else to feel like I do. It's just I feel like I'm so effed up sometimes. Like I wouldn't be this way if my mom had never died. Of course if that hadn't happened, everything would be different. Thanks for talking, Robyn. If you have hope we can figure it out, then I will, too.

    2. We're moms, we always figure it out, just not ahead of time. Thanks for your pep talk. I know once people meet Will they will fall over themselves to help him. It's his superhero power. I'm not sure what kind of work I'll find. I'm thinking I'll be a know it all waitress who doesn't know it all. I totally understand you not wanting to get back into workplace dynamics. It will be nice not to be called mom for a few hours every day and part of me is so freaking hungry for new experiences to add to my stories. You know I keep thinking about the girl on the ladder looking at the impending zombie apocalypse from your little short you wrote.

    3. That's really true - I just wish I could figure some of this stuff out ahead of time. It'd be really helpful. From photos I've seen of Will, I know he has that superhero power. :) You could be a cool waitress like Sookie Stackhouse! Laying down the law with the supes. ;) I forgot getting out there will give new experiences for stories. Maybe I should turn that girl on the ladder into a story? I'm flattered you still think about her. :)

  2. My youngest is starting 5th grade this fall... and my oldest just celebrated her 18th birthday - so I totally get how you feel. I have four kids in all, next to youngest will start 7th grade, and my next to oldest will start 2nd year of senior high.

    I went back to uni to study for a different degree, I just finished my third year, and will need one more to finish my bachelor. I don't think it's ever too late to go back to school! And whatever you have learned already is something that is yours forever!

    I hope you'll continue to enjoy staying home with your own and your siblings' children!

    Have a great week.

    Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Boookviews

    1. Aw, thank you, Lexxie! For a while after our son was born, I told my husband I wanted to have one more, but he wants to be done. He said he needs sleep and doesn't want to become a zombie again, haha. I think two is all I can handle anyhow, lol. Especially since I baby-sit my niece. She's super cute but a handful at her age (she'll be a year old on August 10th).

      I try to think about how even though kids will always grow up no matter what you wish, with each year there are new experiences we can have with them and new things they'll accomplish. I try so hard to keep that in mind.

      I think I'm nervous about going back to school because I graduated with my bachelor's degree almost eight years ago. It'll be hard to get back into the swing of things. Intellectually, I know you're absolutely right it's never too late. Emotionally, I worry so much I don't feel sure of myself, eep! I'd love to be able to make money from home, lol. What degree are you studying for?

    2. I'm doing a Bachelor in English Language and Literature and in French Linguistics. I have a degree in accounting, and worked in accounting for 18 years before I decided this was not what I wanted to do.

      So yes, I really do get where you're coming from. I have to say, though, that I'm so lucky because we can afford me being a full-time student now, even with a house and four kids between eight and 18! And my fellow students, who are more or less twenty years younger than me are awesome. We sometimes go out for a drink if we have a late class, and they are totally supportive of me having a different life than they have right now.

      One day, you'll be able to help your family with actual dollars as well, but right now, you're helping your family with your time, your patience and your love. That is a treasure in itself, you know :)

      Lexxie @ (un)Conventional Bookviews


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